I had thoughts that I had ruined my life and that I would have to settle for being a loser for the rest of my life and that I would only be seen for my mistakes rather than my heart. I know that I messed up and the guilt held me down because the shame hurt so bad. I felt terrible for some of the decisions I had made and that it must make me a terrible person. It was always going to be people judging me and I would always be looked at as a loser Piece Of Crap because of my mistakes.
As for men, I thought that I better take what will take me because I was “Damaged” goods and used up, so I used to settle for unhealthy men who in one way or another were abusive towards me. I had serious trust issues and would question everyone’s “motive” for being nice to me. I had a lot of lies floating/playing in my head until Jesus intervened and some amazing women who have shown me a God-like Love and came along side me.
NOW….I know who I am, in God’s eyes, in my eyes, and in the eyes of those who love me. I am not the sum of my past mistakes, I am not a loser nor a failure.
I am a good-hearted person and my love and the light of God that shows through me is what matters. I have a purpose and everything I’ve endured and gone through has helped me to become the good-hearted, loving , compassionate light that God has intended for me to be— for His planned purpose, for His Glory and Message. The good, positive “tapes”/voices now replace those of old….for God has always known the plans He has for me. Jer. 29:11 . And those thoughts bring me joy and Hope!